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The WORD of the Week

Matthew 3:7-10

But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.

And do not think you can say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham.

The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.


Stupid Fact of the Week
There was only one civilian casualty during the three-day Battle of Gettysburg

01 January, 2009
New Year, New Films
Well, there's a lot to get thru so lets just jump in...

Quick note: all release dates, or rather months (ex. "(JAN)"), are subject to change. Those films whose release dates/months are unknown or unsure are labeled as such (UNS).

2009 is gonna be the year of 3-D... get ready for it... We shall be treated to massive amounts of horrors/thrillers in this new added-dimension form, including My Bloody Valentine 3D (JAN), Final Destination: Death Trip 3D (AUG), Piranha 3-D (JUL), and of course Horrorween (OCT). I'll also be sure to miss Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (FEB) as well as Jim Carrey's latest destruction of a classic, A Christmas Carol (NOV). On the positive side of the 3D-ness is James Cameron's long-anticipated Avatar (DEC) as well as most of the animated films being released this year (and some re-releases), including Toy Story 3-D (OCT), Monsters vs. Aliens (MAR), Astro Boy (OCT), and Pixar's Up (MAY).

Speaking of Animated films, this looks to be a strong category this year... I'm going to recommend passing on The Princess and the Frog (DEC), Quantum Quest: A Cassini Space Odyssey (SEP), as well as Rob Zombie's The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (UNS) (although, truth be told, I am [very] slightly interested by the casting of Paul Giamatti in the [voice] role of "Dr. Satan"). Top Picks in the Animation category:

`7` - Jackboots on Whitehall (UNS)... if for no other reason than Alan Cumming will be voicing Hitler, with Tom Wilkinson as the voice of Goebbels, in this "satirical version of World War II in which the Scottish defeat the German invasion of England." Yes, you read that correctly... the Scottish. So yes, Ewan McGregor will also being voicing a character.
`6` - Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (SEP)
`5` - Coraline (FEB)... A lot of talk about this one already. Based on a Gaiman book; directed by Henry Selick(Nightmare Before Christmas).
`4` - Monsters vs. Aliens (MAR)
`3` - Up (MAY)... it's tough to beat Pixar. Even so...
`2` - Fantastic Mr. Fox (NOV)... I think Wes Anderson's first journey into Animated features, on the back of the amazing Roald Dahl, has to beat out an old man and a boy scout in a floating house.
`1` - 9 (SEP)... Just saw the trailer for this one a couple days ago.... looks amazing... based on the director's (Shane Acker) short film of the same title that was nominated for an Academy award in 2006 (lost to "Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation, The").


Even more so than 3D, 2009 is (once again) shaping up to be the year of the sequel/prequel/series. And once again, there are plenty to avoid:
- Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (JAN)... no Beckinsale, no thanks.
- The Pink Panther 2 (FEB)... bad idea
- Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (FEB)... worse idea
- Fast & Furious (APR)... and just when you think it can't get worse-
- Crank 2: High Voltage (APR)... it does. But we're not done yet.
- Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakuel (DEC)... oh yeah, you read that right.
- Saw VI (OCT)
- The Descent 2 (UNS)... a sequel to the only film bad enough to make me leave the theater... it was a mistake to go attempt to see it anyway... and a long story, too... we'll just move on.
- New Moon (NOV)... Sequel to Twi- eh, scuse me.... Sequel to Twighli- whew, tougher than I thought... Sequel to Twighlight. Hurts to say that.

However, once again, not all the news is bad:

Some of it is just mediocre...
- Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian (MAY)
- Angels & Demons (MAY)
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (JUL)... sorry, still can't justify recommending this series.
- Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (JUL)

And the Top of the Category:

- Bruno (MAY)... okay, technically not a sequel to Borat, so I won't give it a number.... I'm still looking forward to it, though.
- New York, I Love You (FEB)... alright, again, not technically a sequel, but it is, I think we can safely say, a "follow-up" to 2006's "Paris, je t'aime" (which, translated, means "Paris, I [something] You"... oh, man... it'll come to me)

`4` - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (JUN)
`3` - X-Men Origins: Wolverine (MAY)
`2` - Terminator Salvation (MAY)... Christian Bale attempts to claim the title of "Able to ressusitate any series"
`1` - Star Trek (MAY)... I can't believe I'm putting J.J. first at something... whatever.


In addition to tons of sequels et al., there are a fair amount of remakes coming out this year, including:

- Friday the 13th (FEB)... trailer's out... actually doesn't look that horrible
- Race to Witch Mountain (MAR)... The Rock.... 'nuff said.
- Fame (SEP)... even Kelsey Grammer and Megan Mullally won't be able to come anywhere remotely close to saving this one.
- The Stepfather (OCT)
- The Wolfman (NOV)
- The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (JUN)... this looks like it might actually be good (as a film on its own, rather than as an assessment of how well it preserved the original, but lets not ask too much), however, it looks as though the filmmakers are abandonning the "color" character names (ie. - Green, Blue, etc.) of the original. There has been some speculation that this is due to the fear that modern audiences would assume they stole this idea from "Reservoir Dogs" and not the other way around. Just another way Tarantino sucks.

Speaking of sucking, there's gonna be quite a lot of bad comedies this year. It would take far too long to list out all the bad, so here are some highlights:

Dance Flick (AUG), continues the tradition of "Not Another _____ Movie," and then Not Another Not Another Movie (UNS) makes fun of it and all its predecessors (actual movie, not a joke). If you're in the mood for a bad comedy about a mall cop, you actually have your choice this year between Kevin James (Paul Blart: Mall Cop (JAN)) or Seth Rogan (Observe and Report (APR)). Lindsay Lohan will be playing a young woman who pretends to be pregnant (just so we're all up on where here career is currently), in Labor Pains (UNS), and Will Ferrell will star in a film adaptation of the TV show Land of the Lost (JUN).... not sure which one is going to stink more (and that's sayin' somthing, Will).

Some Comedies that got my "hmmmm" rating, meaning that there looked to be at least one redeaming virtue to them, are:

- Sunshine Cleaning (MAR)... Amy Adams, Emily Blunt, Alan Arkin, and Steve Zahn... all that and it still only got a "hmmmmm"
- Adventureland (MAR)... Ryan Reynolds, directed by Greg Mottola ("Superbad")
- My Life in Ruins (MAY)... Nia Vardalos has a way of making horrible things seem decent, and decent things seem good... this one kinda looks horrible.
- The Maiden Heist (MAY)... love me some William H. Macy... but not sure about this one.
- Funny People (JUL)... Happy Madison and Apatow team up... seems like a winning combo, but I smell destruction.

So, I was going to post the top ten films I'm looking forward to in 2009 at the end of this post, but its already getting long and there's still a lot to cover, so the top ten will be in the next post. I mention this here because 4 of the films in my top 10 are comedies... and as a result, there's not a whole lot left to put in the "good" category... so here are a few to take note of:

- All About Steve (MAR)... this is the Sandra Bullock romantic comedy that I worked on. Decent cast, but still only "rental"-worthy.
- Away We Go (UNS)... Sam Mendes (ooh) directing John Krasinski (nice) and Maya Rudolph (what?).
- Youth in Revolt (FEB)... I find it sad that a comedy about a 14-year-old boy trying to lose his virginity would make my "films to take note of" segement, but when Michael Cera plays the 14yo, and Justin Long, Steve Buscemi, Ray Liotta, and Fred Willard round out the cast, it's gotta be worth a little something.
- The Informant (SEP)... Steven Soderbergh comedy with Matt Damon in the lead.
- Old Dogs (NOV)... this film, starring Robin Williams and John Travolta, boasts the final performance of the late Bernie Mac.
- Young Americans (JAN)... Topher Grace... Anna Faris...
- Cold Souls (UNS)... nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance, this offbeat indie comedy stars Paul Giamatti.
- I Love You Phillip Morris (UNS)... this one picked up a lot of press for its "shocking" factor, as it tells the true story of Steven Russell (Jim Carrey), a married father whose exploits landed him in the Texas criminal justice system where he fell madly in love with his cellmate (Ewan McGregor)
- Chandni Chowk to China (JAN)... I don't know why, and I'm a bit ashamed, but, after seeing the trailer, I want to see this goofball action-comedy.
- Fanboys (FEB)... I've been looking forward to this film for (literally) over 2 years... it has been pushed back time after time to accomodate more and more reshoots, as it won over lots of people who threw lots of money at it, and the potential then seemed limitless. I'm worried that with all the reshoots, the original brilliance may have been lost.
- Leaves of Grass (UNS)... No, not based on the Whitman collection... this is a comedy written and directed by Tim Blake Nelson ("Eye of God") starring Edward Norton as both an Ivy League professor and his pothead twin brother.

In addition to the rise in scripts adapted from books, Hollywood is also ramping up adaptations from TV Series' - Hannah Montana: The Movie (APR), G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (AUG) - as well as video games - Dragonball (APR), Warcraft (UNS).

The horor genre actually has some decent offerings this year (in addition to, of course, a plethora of those ridiculously bad, cheap, tasteless, etc. etc. etc.)... I'll skip the multitudes of worthless films, and list the four (yes, that's right, 4... I'm actually a bit proud of myself) at the top:

- Jennifer's Body (SEP)... Academy Award winner Diablo Cody (pain... in... chest...) follows up "Juno" with this story of a sultry high school cheerleader who begins killing her male classmates (pain... radiating...). As awful as it sounds, with her previous success and with Megan Fox ("Transformers") in the (very) titular role, this one will unfortunately do well (but won't win an Oscar, let's hope).

`3` - Drag Me to Hell (MAY)... with Sam Raimi back in his element, I can't deny that this will be successful, and with Allison Lohman in the lead I can't deny that I might actually see it.
`2` - The Box (NOV)... based on Richard Matheson's short story "Button, Button," Richard Kelly ("Donnie Darko") directs this horror/thriller about a small wooden box that - when opened - grants the owner(s) large sums of money at the expense of someone they don't know dying.
`1` - The Lovely Bones (DEC)... Peter Jackson directs a terrific cast in this film about a young girl who is murdered and "watches over her family - and her killer - from heaven."

Okay, more like three and a half.

The "Romance" category is another that I usually feel doesn't live up to the potential of the art/industry that is film. Once again, this year, I remain unconvinced by pretty much all of the offerings in this category, but if I had to recommend one, it would probably be one of the following two:

- 500 Days of Summer (JUL)... Zooey Deschanel... yeah, that's pretty much it. Also, Clark Gregg.
- Nailed (UNS)... David O. Russell ("Three Kings," "I Heart Huckabees") directs an incredibly offbeat romantic comedy with Jake Gyllenhaal, Jessica Biel, Catherine Keener, Paul Reubens, and Jon Stewart.

The Sci-Fi/Fantasy category, for me, boiled down to two iffy films, Mr. Nobody (UNS), and Inkheart (JAN). The latter, although it stars Brendan Fraser, features Paul Bettany and Helen Mirren, which may be its saving grace.

Almost to the end... two categories remaining... next up, Action/Adventure:

Side Note: I realize a lot of these categories are overlapping (ie. - there are plenty of sequels that are also action/adventure, etc.)... I put this together in a hurry... deal with it.

- Inglourious Basterds (UNS)... a lot of people are looking forward to Tarantino's return... most notably, M. Night Shyamalan, as he is tired of being the worst director working (Zing!)
- Whiteout (SEP)... Kate Beckinsale... Antarctica... sure, why not?
- The International (FEB)... this one has been a long time coming... should be pretty good... Clive Owen.
- Tree of Life (UNS)... a couple people have put this on their "best of upcoming films" lists... kind of a dark one, starring Brad Pitt and Sean Penn.
- Watchmen (MAR)... a lot of hype, a lot of litigation... looks like it'll actually come out this year... prediction: won't live up to the hype.
- Ninja Assassin (UNS)... oh, come on! do you need anything else after a title like that? Directed by James McTeigue ("V for Vendetta")

Alright... into the home stretch... Drama/Suspense/Thriller:

We've got a couple of political films...
- Crossing Over (UNS)... imigrants struggling to acheive legal status... featuring Harrison Ford, Sean Penn, Ray Liotta, and Ashley Judd
- Green Zone (UNS)... CIA agents searching for WMD... with Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Brendan Gleeson, and Amy Ryan. Directed by Paul Greengrass ("The Bourne Supremacy," The Bourne Ultimatum").

Then we've got Pedro Almondovar's latest (Broken Embraces (UNS)), Martin Scorcesse's latest (Shutter Island [aka Ashecliffe] (OCT)), and Francis Ford Copolla's latest (Tetro (UNS))

And rounding out the category, and the post:

- Notorious (JAN)... one of the few biopics this year.
- Shanghai (UNS)... asian period piece... sounds like fun... plus my girl Rinko is in it.
- The Limits of Control (UNS)... Jim Jarmusch's crime drama starring Tilda Swinton, Bill Murray, John Hurt, and Gael Garcia Bernal
- The Soloist (APR)... Directed by Joe Wright ("Atonement"), this one looks like it could get a bit Movie-of-the-Week, but hopefully Downey Jr. will be enough to save it.
- Killshot (JAN)... all eyes will be on Rourke's performance here as a psychopathic hitman, after his strong performance in last year's "The Wrestler"
- The Road (UNS)... Viggo Mortensen's been hot lately... I expect good things from this post-apocalyptic thriller.
- Duplicity (MAR)... Tony Gilroy, Clive Owen, Julia Roberts, Paul Giamatti, Tom Wilkinson... a little spy vs. spy... a little "Out of Sight"... should be quite good.

Alright... top ten coming up next.
posted by Rockel @ 6:29 PM  
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Lyrics of the Week

ON THE NICKEL
by Tom Waits

("I'd like to do a new song here. This is eh, it's about downtown Los Angeles on 5th Street. And eh all the winos affectionately refer to it as The Nickel. So this is kind of a hobo's lullaby.")

sticks and stones will break my bones,
but i always will be true, and when
your mama is dead and gone,
i'll sing this lullabye just for you,
and what becomes of all the little boys,
who never comb their hair,
well they're lined up all around the block,
on the nickel over there.

so you better bring a bucket,
there is a hole in the pail,
and if you don't get my letter,
then you'll know that i'm in jail,
and what becomes of all the little boys,
who never say their prayers,
well they're sleepin' like a baby,
on the nickel over there.

and if you chew tobacco, and wish upon a star,
well you'll find out where the scarecrows sit,
just like punchlines between the cars,
and i know a place where a royal flush,
can never beat a pair, and even thomas jefferson,
is on the nickel over there.

so ring around the rosie, you're sleepin' in the rain,
and you're always late for supper,
and man you let me down again,
i thought i heard a mockingbird, roosevelt knows where,
you can skip the light, with grady tuck,
on the nickel over there.

so what becomes of all the little boys,
who run away from home,
well the world just keeps gettin' bigger,
once you get out on your own,
so here's to all the little boys,
the sandman takes you where,
you'll be sleepin' with a pillowman,
on the nickel over there.

so let's climb up through that button hole,
and we'll fall right up the stairs,
and i'll show you where the short dogs grow,
on the nickel over there.

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