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The WORD of the Week

Matthew 3:7-10

But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.

And do not think you can say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham.

The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.


Stupid Fact of the Week
There was only one civilian casualty during the three-day Battle of Gettysburg

02 May, 2005
Copious Coitus
Or, in the words of Salt N Peppa:
"Let's talk about sex."

"INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE...

"One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust....

"While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured...

"The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage....

"A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage....

"Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

"A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her....

"Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

"Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom....

"If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead....

"As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

"One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression." (1)


Had enough?... not me... let's go further...

"When evangelists tell young people that Christians must not have sex before they are married, they give them the idea that they should have sex after they are married. Nothing could be further from the truth....

"If you are single, you should stay single. If you are married, you should not have sex...

"According to St. Paul, marriage and sex are only for those who cannot control their libidinous impulses ...

"Jesus says the same, and even mentions what some men have done to themselves in order to avoid committing marriage....

"So Christians should not have sex at all - unless they are weak-willed wimps who have no self-control." (2)

Oh, yeah. They're out there. These... "ideas."

-Rockel

(1) - from The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894 http://www.cyberdespot.com/home.html?jesustricks/christian-sex.html&frames/left.html&frames/top.html
(2) - http://www.postfun.com/pfp/tracts/rtb/sex.html
posted by Rockel @ 11:21 PM  
2 Comments:
  • At 4/5/05 7:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well, this isn't a comment specific for this newest post (I'm a bit speechless after reading it!), but I just wanted to say how proud I am of my little brother (Rockel) - I had no idea that you were putting this much thought into your beliefs and views - I can't believe how grown-up you are! As I'm reading, it's like I'm meeting you for the first time in some ways - quite a shock (but a good one, I assure you!).
    Anyway, I'm glad you have a place to reason through your beliefs and have debates with others who may or may not believe the same way - it's very cool!
    Love you lots!!!!!
    A

     
  • At 13/5/05 12:14 PM, Blogger The Cobra said…

    I would like to request that this post be removed in order to avoid the highly unlikely yet still potentially disastrous problem of some psycho bitch out there reading this and buying into it makeing the coitus pool a little more shallow. Indeed I am shocked and appalled that anyone out there would support some sort of sexual schedule for the prudent wife. This is so funny it makes me want to slap my momma in the face....




    wait, no it isn't, nor does it....

     
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Lyrics of the Week

ON THE NICKEL
by Tom Waits

("I'd like to do a new song here. This is eh, it's about downtown Los Angeles on 5th Street. And eh all the winos affectionately refer to it as The Nickel. So this is kind of a hobo's lullaby.")

sticks and stones will break my bones,
but i always will be true, and when
your mama is dead and gone,
i'll sing this lullabye just for you,
and what becomes of all the little boys,
who never comb their hair,
well they're lined up all around the block,
on the nickel over there.

so you better bring a bucket,
there is a hole in the pail,
and if you don't get my letter,
then you'll know that i'm in jail,
and what becomes of all the little boys,
who never say their prayers,
well they're sleepin' like a baby,
on the nickel over there.

and if you chew tobacco, and wish upon a star,
well you'll find out where the scarecrows sit,
just like punchlines between the cars,
and i know a place where a royal flush,
can never beat a pair, and even thomas jefferson,
is on the nickel over there.

so ring around the rosie, you're sleepin' in the rain,
and you're always late for supper,
and man you let me down again,
i thought i heard a mockingbird, roosevelt knows where,
you can skip the light, with grady tuck,
on the nickel over there.

so what becomes of all the little boys,
who run away from home,
well the world just keeps gettin' bigger,
once you get out on your own,
so here's to all the little boys,
the sandman takes you where,
you'll be sleepin' with a pillowman,
on the nickel over there.

so let's climb up through that button hole,
and we'll fall right up the stairs,
and i'll show you where the short dogs grow,
on the nickel over there.

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